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1. Don't watch the series. You don't need to know what the characters look or act like in order to write the perfect fic.
2. Be sure you read every fic you can find. You'll need to have something to take plot ideas from. And be sure to borrow elements and styles from your favourite fantasy/sci-fi authors... take, for example, Mercedes Lackey, Piers Anthony, Anita Blake, and Dean Koontz. Bonus points for Harlequin or Fabio references!
3. Beta readers are bad, so don't use them. They'll just be picky about dumb things like grammar.
4. In addition, spellcheckers are also annoying. All they will do is tell you you're wrong.
5. No character is ever to refer to another character without adding a Japanese honourific to their name.
6. It doesn't matter how you spell a character's name--it's all part of creative license. In this vein, the more S's you add to the end of Zelgadis' or Xellos' name, the better; likewise, remember there is no L in the Japanese language, so "Rina" and "Zerugadissss" are perfectly acceptable.
7. Completely ignore the series plotline whenever possible. It will only hold you back in the long run, particularly if you are working with a bias.
8. No fic is a good fic unless it ends with someone committing suicide or telling someone "ai shiteru." Great fics have both.
9. All self-inserted or original characters must be ungodly powerful, omniscient, and set on getting two of the main couples together. They must also capture the interest of Zelgadis far more than any other character.
10. Romance must always be conducted with as much blushing and stammering as possible. Weeping is a definite plus.
11. All couples must go through the stage where there is absolute and total
obliviousness on the part of one of the persons in the relationship--and yet
everybody around them knows that they're in love.
11b: The more complex a love-triangle, the better.
12. All proclamations of love must immediately be followed by wild monkey sex--or suicide.
13. Consequently, all incidents of wild monkey sex must be followed by proclamations of love.
14. Magical prowess is vastly inferior to the power of the almighty plot hole.
15. Psychologically abusive relationships are not only the norm, they're fun for all involved as well.
16. All rape victims just need someone to show them how good sex can be, then everything is fine again.
17. There are more members of the Inverse, Gabriev, Metallium, and Graywords families than there are spells in Lina's arsenal.
18. You can never include enough Japanese words/phrases. Writing an entire fic in the language makes you a god.
19. The perfect fanfic is always, always biased. And epic.
And now, witness the soul-wrenching works of those who took these tips seriously....