Renfield: all righty. . . Renfield: the last chapter of Song Of The Feathers is called Van Meets A New Friend Renfield: . . . because somehow he has not done that in any of the previous five chapters. ehh? RackhamRose: apparently tiny talking dragons and twinks don't count
The next morning, Van woke up, just like yesterday.
RackhamRose: then, he went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, just like yesterday... Renfield: what i'd like to know here is how Van woke up yesterday. RackhamRose: ...in Allen's bed, feeling sore and oddly satisfied? :D Renfield: i'd also like to know which part of her face the writer favors most, so i can hit her there for so cruelly abusing temporal prepositions. >__<;
Van desided to go outside. The girl was about as tall as Gemini, with golden long blond hair, Blue eyes, and very good balence.
RackhamRose: ...and, best of all, clown shoes! <3 <3 Renfield: to be fair, it was her furry heritage and massive, ultraviolet wings that were responsible for her balance. Renfield: *she said, just to get the worst obnoxiousness out of the way* RackhamRose: how could he tell her balance was good? she had a stack of plates in each hand, and a flaming baton between her knees. Renfield: (. . and he could see right up her skirt) O:-)
After a long stair down Gemini shouted, "GO!" Both girls leaped up in the air, Gemini kicked the other girl, but the girl blocked. The girls landed on the bamboo poles, "Good kick, Gemini." "Yeah, nice block, Kora."
RackhamRose: "Did you level up while I was out yesterday?" Renfield: i think we've reached the insert-your-best-friends part of the fanfiction Renfield: Kora is no doubt a super-Saiyan of some sort. . . . RackhamRose: watch, she'll somehow manage to to yoink a minor character from a whole different series for twu wuuuub purposes Renfield: why? Gemini & Van can't have twu wub because they're supposedly related Renfield: Kora/Van is wiiiiiide open RackhamRose: ...eeeeeew. :/
"Again?" "Yeah, but lets keep it down, I have a guest over, and I think he's still sleeping."
Renfield: "I don't want anyone to know I've snuck a girl into my backyard!" RackhamRose: "Or at least he should be, after all the hard drinking he did when he realized he'd have to spend the night." Renfield: "And if he isn't sleeping, he's got the hangover from hell."
Kora looked at Gemini in suprize, "I thought you said that 'all guys are brainless jerks, who only want your body and not you.' What made you change your mind?"
Renfield: ". . . What makes you think I changed my mind?" RackhamRose: "Do you know how cute they are when they're tied up and helpless?" Renfield: "Well, I found one I only want for his body." ^__~ RackhamRose: *laughs* oh, bravo Renfield: thankyew!
They both flew at eachother again, neither of them got a hit, or saw Van listening to their conversation. *Gemini?* Van thought.
Renfield: <Force> This isn't the Mary Sue you're looking for. Move along, move along. </Force> RackhamRose: *snicker* RackhamRose: I never really noticed before, but... she's god-moding, isn't she? he marvelled.
"Van is differant. He is the one guy who has yet to try to go after my body. I like him, plus, he is sooo cute!" Gemini replied with a dreamy smile.
RackhamRose: ...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew Renfield: oh gawd. go back inside and put your brain in, girl RackhamRose: you're assuming she has one. Renfield: she must have one. it might not necessarily be hers. . . . Renfield: but this doesn't really speak well of whatever man Hitomi married on Earth, you understand RackhamRose: oh, one in a jar, then. probably Abby Normal's Renfield: "He is sooo cute! It's a pity the only man not sexually interested in me is my biological father! Oh well, not that it would stop the Badass Silver Gemini Twin Dragon!" RackhamRose: I'm sorta hoping that this will end like Oedipus, with Gemini putting her eyes out or summat Renfield: YES
Kora looked behind Gemini , and saw Van, "Well, you had better hope he didn't hear you." Kora knew full well that Van had heard them. "What dose that mean?" Gemini looked at Kora, then followed her gaze.Gemini saw Van and turned a deep crimson.
RackhamRose: "Shall I go ahead and call your shrink now, or would you like to do it yourself?" Kora asked. Renfield: RUN VAN RUN Renfield: FLEEEEEE RackhamRose: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE Renfield: this would be the perfect moment for him to drag Dilandau out of the bushes and fling him at them RackhamRose: *laughs* omg. I'd love to be able to do that
Kora noticed her mistake and took advantage of it, "AN OPENING!" Kora exclaimed as she was flying through the air.
RackhamRose: "FOR GREAT JUSTICE!" Renfield: "GUESS WHO'S NOT WEARING PANTIES TODAY!" :D RackhamRose: "I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER!!"
She kicked Gemini right in the back. Gemini fell into the pond. Gemini surfaced, and jumped back up on the bamboo pole, "Chep shot, Kora."
RackhamRose: it was so cheap, it couldn't afford an a. Renfield: "Thanks a lot, now the whole neighborhood knows I've got an 'opening' on my back!" >:/
"Anything goes, remember?" "Yeah, I remember." Gemini flew up, and Kora did the same.
Renfield: at what point in this fic did they master flight? RackhamRose: maybe the "opening" created good enough aerodynamics. i dunno. Renfield: or are they running strictly on DBZ physics, here? RackhamRose: it actually sounds more like Ranma 1/2 physics. Renfield: how d'you figure? Renfield: Ranma 1/2, as far as i can tell, is actually less twinked-out than DBZ RackhamRose: well, I do recall somebody getting booted nearly into the outer stratosphere, earlier RackhamRose: hmm. that's a point. RackhamRose: but nobody's started doing the glowing for 20 episodes thing yet Renfield: and people fly for no apparent reason all the time in DBZ, et cetera Renfield: --i guess she just hasn't written that chapter yet
They kicked eachother, both conected, and went flying to oppisit ends of the pond. Gemini hit the ground instead of the water, and got up with a groan. Van came over, "Are you alright?"
Renfield: "I'm fine! I landed on my ego." RackhamRose: "Yes, but I can't spell 'opposite'." Renfield: "I dunno, my head feels all swollen-!" RackhamRose: "Oh, um, no! I need mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! Because I um... bruised... the pinky I use to breathe with! Yeah, that's it..."
Gemini looked up, and blushed, "Yeah. I've been through worse." "And trust me she has. That was nothing." Van and Gemini looked up to see Kora walking over to them, "You two make a really cute couple. Gemini take my advice and hook this one and don't let go."
Renfield: i highly recommend a paternity test, first Renfield: wait, i mean, RUN VAN RUN RackhamRose: run, Van! you've landed in West Virginia! Renfield: "You two make such a cute couple, it's like you're already related or something!" RackhamRose: it's a pity I can't sing the Oedipus Complex song, here. Renfield: it's a pity i don't know that song RackhamRose: (note to readers: the heterosexual reverse of an Oedipus complex is an Electra complex) Renfield: (well, now you've got me wondering what the homosexual counterparts are called) RackhamRose: "There once was a man named Oedipus Rex/You may have heard about his odd complex/His name appears in Freud's index/'Cause he loooooved his mother..."
Gemini turned red, "Kora! You know the vow I made to myself that I would die single! cute or not, I'll be single for the rest of my life!" Gemini yelled at Kora.
Renfield: here's hoping RackhamRose: "I kind of have to, what with this whole vagina dentata problem." :/ Renfield: "I'm going to become a prince, dammit!" RackhamRose: *laughs and applauds* Renfield: *takes a bow* RackhamRose: "How can I angst adorably if I have a boyfriend?"
"I know, I know, but you also said 'There's someone for everyone.'" At this Gemini was both sad and angery, "Well, I was wrong! There's no one for me!" Gemini ran into the house.
Renfield: "If I fall in love, I can't be emo anymore!" D: RackhamRose: with that attitude, probably not. Renfield: she just doesn't want to admit to her relationship with that little dragon statue in the china cabinet
Kora looked over at Van, "Sorry about what she said, but she has not had the best of luck with guys, neither have I. My name is Kora. I assume you're Van." Van nodded, "Why has she not that much luck with guys? I should think guys would be falling for her left and right."
RackhamRose: "She won't admit she's a lesbian." Renfield: "Oh, they do; they fall left and right when she hits and kicks them. The unfortunate part is that that's most often the first impression she makes." RackhamRose: "Well, they did, and then she ran out of beer and her Xbox broke..." Renfield: "Well, most guys aren't actually attracted to dickgirls, apparently."
"That's the problem she has. Gemini dose not want a guy like that. Most guys are just after her body, and not the true her." Kora walked to the house, Van followed. "What do you mean the true her?" Van asked.
RackhamRose: "The one with the twenty-foot wings and the Objects of Enormous Power and the eleven-inch cock." Renfield: "Well, once guys scratch the surface, she's totally out of depth." RackhamRose: "Well, um. You see, she went to China a few years ago--something about martial arts training..." Renfield: "The true 'her' is a devotee of Hastur." RackhamRose: "Her true self is actually a 49-year-old man named Irving." Renfield: *snicker*
Kora looked over at Van, "Most guys don't like her personalaty, she's a tomboy, she likes to fight, she can get really violent when she gets pissed, but from a guys point of veiw she has a really good figure that most girls would kill for."
Renfield: i'm sorry there are no other attractive girls in your universe to take the heat off, Gemini RackhamRose: "I know this because I'm a guy." :D Renfield: "From a guy's POV, she has a figure most girls would kill for. It's a broad-shouldered, washboard-muscled masculine figure, however, hence the man problems." RackhamRose: "From a guy's POV, she has a figure most girls would kill for. However, so far the body count has been disappointingly low." Renfield: ("She has a figure most girls would kill for, but only after she's doused with cold water.") RackhamRose: XD
They walked into the kitchen and found Gemini cooking brecfast, "Kora, I won't be able to practice a whole lot today. I have to go to the mall and pick up the dresses I ordered, okay?" You could see that Gemini was still upset.
Renfield: yes, but now she's upset about having to pick up dresses. RackhamRose: "Don't forget to get your spell checker from the repair shop," Kora said brightly. Renfield: "And what the hell are you cooking?"
"No problem. Hey, didn't you order those a year and a half ago? "Yeah, I did with...mom."
Renfield: "Wouldn't they have been sold off by now?" "No, you don't understand. They just came in yesterday." RackhamRose: I had that happen once. only it was a pizza Renfield: oh, yuck
"Oh. Which colors did you get?" "Ruby-red, saphire-blue, and the one color mom insisted on, emerald-green."
Renfield: "Oh. So, what the hell were you buying dresses for?" RackhamRose: "Mom played the first half of Ocarina of Time a little too much." RackhamRose: ...I'm tempted to make a very, very obscure fairy-tale reference here Renfield: "Do you need me to dig up the coffin again, or are you going to wear them yourself?" RackhamRose: ("I thought you decided to scrap the idea of going as Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather for Halloween.")
"I can see why she insisted on that color." "Why?" "It brings out your eyes."
RackhamRose: "Ew. I'd rather they stay in, thanks." Renfield: "Right now they kinda look like tiny marbles nestled at the bottom of a couple of bellybuttons." Renfield: "But wearing green would totally fix that, yeah." RackhamRose: *snicker*
Kora and Gemini turned to the owner of the voice, it was Van. kora smiled, "That was what I was going to say. Plus, if Gemini get really pissed when she's wearing the red dress, it will maginfi her eyes x10."
Renfield: (should that be "+10"?) RackhamRose: (man, x10-magnified eyes would be just freaky.) RackhamRose: (worse than anime eyes, even) Renfield: so, the red dress is +10 Laser-Vision of Wrath Renfield: the green dress is +5 Pretty Prince(ss) Eyes Renfield: the blue dress must be +5 Fabulosity, or something RackhamRose: and the blue dress is +2 to Giant Woobly Anime Eyes Full Of Emo Tears Renfield: *nodnod* makes sense
All three ate brecfast in silence.
RackhamRose: I love the smell of brecfast in the morning RackhamRose: it tastes like consonants and victory Renfield: looks as if it should be spelled "blecchfast" Renfield: --and they ate it in silence, because to criticize Gemini's cooking was to risk hospitalization RackhamRose: --never mind that ingesting it carried an only marginally lesser risk of the same Renfield: at last, a Prince who cooks like Anthy
Gemini looked over at Kora, "We'll leave in three hourse to go pick up the dresses. How about we practice our chi attacks until then?"
Renfield: "Yeah, I don't have any other use for all that chi, really." RackhamRose: ......hourse is the new goatse. Renfield: it's like a horse with a spare stomach, or something RackhamRose: (or maybe it's like a hoarse)
Kora looked at Gemini, "Okay, but, make them light. I do NOT want to get fried." "Alright. Let's go." All three walked out. Kora and Gemini jumped on to the bamboo poles, "Okay, Ko-chan light chi blast and punches nothing heavy, got it?" Kora nodded.
Renfield: "Oh oh oh, can we make all sorts of inside-references to god-moding, imaginary martial arts moves?" :D RackhamRose: Van decided to Kamehameha when neither of them was looking. :D RackhamRose: --and then Kora hit Gemini with a 16-ton weight. Renfield: somebody needs to pull out an Overlord Buttblow.
"Okay. On go." They staired eachother down.
RackhamRose: ...whoever blinks first loses? RackhamRose: ...wait. is "stairing" like a tombstone? Renfield: no, they bludgeoned each other with stiles and stepladders. Renfield: excuse me, "eachother" RackhamRose: *groan*
Van wisly backed off a bit when Gemini started to glow a silver-white arua, and Kora a gol arua. "Go!"
Renfield: go hide indoors, ladyman. RackhamRose: no, I think he's right to stay away from the crazy glowing twinks Renfield: he is. it's just a pity they make him look all feathery and delicate Renfield: --"gol arua" sounds like some sort of Cardassian territory RackhamRose: or a Klingon love poem, or summat
Kora got into position, and cupped her hands, "Lighting Wolf Blast!" a small ball that had formed in her hand was releasted.
Renfield: XD RELEASTED Renfield: she made u a ki blast, but she releasted it. XD RackhamRose: XD Renfield: the passive tense was abused! RackhamRose: well, it was the releasted she could do RackhamRose: I bet Lighting Wolf Blast really does nothing more than make your socks stick to your underpants, a la static
Gemini jumped to avoid getting hit. She landed with her right hand on the pole, pointed both feet at Kora, and a ball of energy formed, "Dragon's Claw Blast!"
Renfield: . . . . wait.
. . . . with her feet!? RackhamRose: maybe it's actually coming out of her ass. Renfield: maybe that comes next
Kora tried to avoid the blast but it caught her arm, "OWWW! Hey, I said LIGHT blasts, not that!" "You never said I couldn't use my Dragon's Claw Blast."
Renfield: "Yeah, well, you didn't say I couldn't use a rocket-propelled grenade." RackhamRose: "Yeah, well, you didn't say I couldn't summon a tentacly elder god!"
"You want to play it that way? Fine. This means WAR!" Kora said with an evil smerk. Gemini grined, "Anything goes, this is friendly, right?" "Nope, all out war."
RackhamRose: "Chainsaw mode: ON" Renfield: of course, as the author has demonstrated "kill" in the context of this fanfiction actually means "injure badly" Renfield: so "all out war" must mean something like "flinging poo" RackhamRose: or "paintball" Renfield: or perhaps just "screaming and pulling hair"
"Are you insane? You and I never had an all out war before." Gemini started getting scared for her friends sanity. *She's gone insane, because of one hit?*
RackhamRose: Maybe I pushed the taunt button a few too many times... ^^; Renfield: no, she's gone insane from her godlike twink powers Renfield: --or yours. either way, ya know RackhamRose: mebbe you shouldn't have summoned that tentacly elder god Renfield: perhaps it was something in the "brecfast" RackhamRose: that stuff can kill ya Renfield: either way, that's how the fic ends RackhamRose: the whole fic? RackhamRose: well, you know... I think I like it ending with Van making his escape Renfield: there is no more chapters! RackhamRose: and Van ran far away and never saw the crazy glowing twinks again! the end. :D Renfield: *applauds*