Renfield: what d'you feel like taking on? RackhamRose: Song of teh Feathers, I think Renfield: all righty. . . . Renfield: we're up to the fifth chapter. in the drop-down menu, it is titled The Chalange &The Fight RackhamRose: "chalange" looks a little too much like "phalange" for my taste
Joko looked at Dilandau, "What do you mean 'Time to die'? Are you going to kill my Silver Dragon Gemini?"
Renfield: "--beautiful dragon badass martial artist psychic silver?" RackhamRose: "Because I've had about all I can take of her backtalk, to be honest." Renfield: "If there is a god, yes." Renfield: . . . i have some difficulty believing these two have never encountered each other, if both of them have been bothering her as long as she says they have. Renfield: of course, i also have difficulty believing Hitomi gave birth at the age of THREE. RackhamRose: maybe during the day they both pursue her, and then at night it's all "ah wish ah knew how ta quit'chew" RackhamRose: you never can tell... Renfield: (Dilandau: "Shut up and take it, Copy-Kuno!")
Dilandau took his eyes of Gemini, Escaflowna, and Van, who was now standing just behind Gemini and Escaflowna, "Yes, I'm gonna kill Gemini, I'm going to kill Van, too."
Renfield: "--and your little dragon, too!" RackhamRose: "And then I'm going to kill Chuck Norris, and Mr. Rogers, and puppies, and Christmas, and..." Renfield: "Why, do you have dibs?"
Escaflowna decided to speak up, "No way I'm going to let you kill Gen-chan!"
Renfield: For this chapter, the part of Van Fanel will be played by a cardboard cutout printed with his likeness. RackhamRose: "I got here first!" Renfield: I am not even shitting you. RackhamRose: he's probably off somewhere getting donuts. Renfield: if he were there, he might get a little miffed at hearing the wee dragon was going to let Dilandau kill him. RackhamRose: oh, just a little, I imagine
Dilandau and Joko looked at the little dragon perched on Gemini's shoulder, "WHAT? DID THAT DRAGON TALK!" They both said simultaneously.
RackhamRose: *cues the swelling lurv music from Romeo and Juliet, just for comic effect* >3 Renfield: "Damn! None of the other living, breathing dragons in the neighborhood can talk!" Renfield: Gemini: YA RLY!
Gemini unsheathed her sword, Escaflowna flew off and landed right beside her, "Yes, I talk. Get out of here, unless you want a hot seat!"
RackhamRose: Dilandau had to pause and seriously consider the offer at hand. Renfield: XD i can totally see that Renfield: "Wait, you can breathe fire? Okay, maybe I won't kill you . . . I'll just keep you as my own pet!" RackhamRose: "How much kibble does she give you? I'll give you double!"
Joko gaped at the little winged creature. Dilandau was getting ready to attack Gemini, and Gemini saw this, so she got ready for an attack. "Dilandau!" Gemini yelled. "What?"
Renfield: "Your shoelaces are untied!" Renfield: ("Chicken butt!") Renfield: (--because it's just as solemn and rational as this fic, i swear to you) RackhamRose: "SURPRISE BUTTSECKS ATTACKU!" Renfield: that definitely sounds like a ripoff from Dragonball Z RackhamRose: it would have made the series a lot better
"I challenge you to a fight, anything-goes!" Van spoke up, "Gemini, no he'll kill you!"
RackhamRose: *resists the temptation to quote Anything Goes* Renfield: "Be careful, Gemini! Your martial arts training, huge-ass sword, and lap-dragon are no match for a single unarmed nutcase!" Renfield: (of course, the real Van Fanel would have stood up and bitchslapped Dilandau himself. . . and on behalf of Hitomi, not Gemini) RackhamRose: (and he would have done this bitchslapping with his sword)
"He's already tried that, and failed. Trust me he does not stand a ghost of a chance." Escaflowna flew over to Van, and landed on his shoulder, "Trust in Gem-chan. She is smart, stubborn, and headstrong. She is never likes to lose a battle."
Renfield: "She will preserve your honor, Van!" RackhamRose: "My dragon is fight!" Renfield: "She is never likes to lose a battle, because then her carcass am dead." RackhamRose: "She is never likes to lose a battle, or to uses proper grammar."
Dilandau gave an evil grin, "I accept your challenge, because I'm guaranteed to win. You're only a wimpy girl, and girls can't fight."
Renfield: --unless they change sex first, right Dilandau? ;-) Renfield: man. that is so fucking subtle. subtle like Paris Hilton. RackhamRose: Then he bitchslapped himself. Renfield: where the hell were you raised, Lady Demon? an isolated religious compound in rural Utah? or was it rural Texas? RackhamRose: I'm thinking Upper East Assholeville Renfield: perhaps even Redneck Asscrack
Gemini was furious at Dilandau's comment, "Are you saying girls can't fight. Because if you are, I can tell you, I CAN FIGHT BETTER THAN ANY MAN HERE!" Gemini yelled in pure rage.
RackhamRose: "I HAVEN'T HAD MY MIDOL YET! BRING IT, BITCH!" Renfield: well. Renfield: good thing i'm not a man. Renfield: --this is the part where Van should slap her upside the head. seriously. RackhamRose: I can't agree more XD
Escaflowna whispered in Van's ear, "He's dead now. One thing you DO NOT want to do is insult Gem-chan's ability to fight, she WILL kill you. The last person who did that landed in the hospital for a month in a coma."
RackhamRose: Van, however, did not hear her, as he was far away having donuts. Renfield: the funny part is that she's mentioning how Gemini did not kill the last person to insult her fighting skillz. Renfield: "Gem-chan was not prosecuted for that brutal attack, because she intimidated the entire fucking police force," said the Ego and Exposition Dragon. RackhamRose: "No one ever found the bodies!" Escaflowna chirped.
Van winced at this. "Another thing you don't want to do is call her a..." That was as far as Escaflowna got before Dilandau spoke, "You little bitch!" "Uh-oh, he's defiantly D-E-A-D."
RackhamRose: well, he's certainly defiant Renfield: i'm sorry, i have no funny at the moment. Renfield: it's another case of Escaflowne being used as a wank rag by some barely-literate twat who thinks feminism is a new idea. RackhamRose: man, I never know what to do for those people RackhamRose: (aside from the all-purpose cry of "give me head!") Renfield: i do, but i'm pretty sure it's not legal
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME! YOU'RE DEAD!" Gemini jumped up, and it being noon, she disappeared into the sun.
Renfield: good riddance! RackhamRose: and they all lived happily ever after. :D
Escaflowna clawed Van a bit to get his attention. Then they received a telepathic message from Gemini, [Van, Esca-chan, get inside now! I don't want either of you to get hurt.] Van and Escaflowna went inside, "What is she going to do?"
RackhamRose: insert Death Star joke here Renfield: "Well, remember all those beans you both ate last night?" Renfield: "I don't know, but I honestly thought her aim was better than that." RackhamRose: "She's going to try for a natural twenty."
"She's going to do her rare 'Sun Dragon Blast'. It's a very powerful attack. She gathers up solar energy, mix's it with her own, and releases it."
Renfield: ". . . through her ass." RackhamRose: "Of course, a critical spell failure means instant KO, so, uh, if you've got any phoenix down..."
A few seconds later, they heard Gemini, "SUN DRAGON BLAST!" Then, a bright yellow light hit the ground, and disappeared.
Renfield: "Whew, good thing I brought sunglasses," Dilandau remarked. "Thanks for flashing me, Gemini!" ;) RackhamRose: and then everything Gemini touched turned to solid bullshit RackhamRose: gold, I mean gold Renfield: the really sad part about all of this is that the writer was simply not inventive enough to sit down and write "Gemini is the Goddess living as a mortal out of her own overwhelming compassion for cruel, patriarchal humanity." RackhamRose: Inga had the same problem. I suspect if we introduced them to each other, the time-space continuum would rupture
Gemini landed 3 seconds after the blast disappears, "YOU'RE NEXT JOKO!" Gemini yelled at Joko, who was behind a tree. Joko popped his head out from behind the tree, (A/N: Joko maybe stubborn, and a baka, but he does have some brains.)
RackhamRose: if he poked his head out, then no, no he doesn't Renfield: (A/N: I write this fic during study hall.) Renfield: (A/N: I have no respect for the intellectual property of others, or for the readers! HA HA) RackhamRose: (A/N: I know what baka means!)
" Can I take a rain check on that?" Gemini gave him a death glare that made Escaflowna shudder; "If you don't want to die I suggest you leave me alone. That means don't talk to me, stop saying I'm your fiancée, and just STAY OUT OF MY LIFE," Gemini took a deep breath, "FOREVER!"
Renfield: "Aww, you don't mean that, sugarbuns," Joko cooed. "You're just upset that the albino asshat recognized-- I mean, called you a bitch." RackhamRose: "I DON'T NEED A MAN! I ARE FEMINIST! RAAAARRRR!!1!!11!one!!" Renfield: of course she doesn't need a man! she's got "Escaflowna" around to kiss her ass.
Joko nodded, "I will respect your wishes. I will not bother you anymore. May you find happiness and victory in your adventures and battles." Joko bowed to Gemini, then jumped over the back fence.
Renfield: well, gosh, Gemini. if you could make him go away just by talking, wasn't it kind of stupid to just kick his ass every single morning for unnumbered years? RackhamRose: maybe she needed the exercise. Renfield: . . . into the neighbor's prickly pear patch. RackhamRose: ...right on top of the neighbor's Doberman. XD
Gemini walked over to the crater, and looked at Dilandau, [Esca-chan, come here.] Escaflowna flew off Van's shoulder, and over to Gemini, "What is it, Gem-chan?"
Renfield: ("BOOT TO THE HEAD!!") RackhamRose: cue the slap upside the head! :D Renfield: "I hunger!!" Renfield: "Bring me the blood of virgins, Esca-chan!" :9 RackhamRose: "Get in the kitchen and make me some pie." Renfield: ("Esca-chan. . . I think I broke a nail!!") Renfield: . . . does Lady Demon even realize that calling everyone "-chan" is one of the feckin girliest things she could have done for this fic? i mean, apart from dressing Gemini in a frilly pink princess dress. . . . RackhamRose: that'll probably come later
Just then, Dilandau woke up. Everyone heard a groan, "What hit me? It looked like a golden dragon, only you could pass right through it, and it shined like the sun."
Renfield: "And now there are teeny tiny sparkly dragons, flying in circles around my head!" Renfield: "Come to think of it, why is everything dragons? I hope we don't come down with some strange sort of aphasia that dragons all your dragons come out like dragons." RackhamRose: *laughs really hard* RackhamRose: "Oh, that must be the LSD kicking in. Have a nice trip!"
Dilandau passed out again, due to shock. Gemini came down and picked up Dilandau, and kicked him into high earth orbit, then got out of the crater,
RackhamRose: --and promptly tripped on her own shoelaces. Renfield: . . and was struck by the satellite she'd knocked out of orbit. RackhamRose: ...and was tackled by a furious horde of Agents Smith. Renfield: . . . and tried to smooth down her hair boner. X)
"Well, at least he won't be around anytime soon. Anyone up for lunch?" "Very much so." Van answered.
RackhamRose: ...roast dragon and filet of Pikachu? Renfield: i'm seeing Van being very very very ready for lunch, because to imply otherwise might invite her wrath. he might know how girls get when you won't play tea-party with them. Renfield: then again, this is also the spineless cardboard-cutout of sockpuppet Van Fanel RackhamRose: --a spineless cardboard-cutout sockpuppet wearing a frilly bonnet and holding a Barbie, no doubt Renfield: and sucking its thumb.
They both walked to the house, Escaflowna flew in ahead of the two, and landed on the table, "I'm going to rest, Gem-chan."
Renfield: "Right here on the table. You can serve your meals around my scaly ass." RackhamRose: *laughs* RackhamRose: "Actually, Escaflowna, you're going to be keeping the fondue pot warm."
"OK Esca-chan. I'll wake you up later. We'll be going to Geae the day after tomorrow, I'll wake you then."
Renfield: "Ex-fucking-scuse me?" Van Fanel interjected. "You're going where? How exactly do you plan to go there? And why have you not bothered to mention this detail before now?" RackhamRose: "I'm not falling for that again! You said you'd wake me up when you went to Disneyland, and we all know how that turned out." >:/ Renfield: that means "I'm going to sell you off as a lawn ornament, then steal you back in the dead of night a month later."
"YAHOO! Goodnight Gem-chan, goodnight Van-chan" A red glow slipped out of Escaflowna, went to the pendent around Gemini's neck, and disappeared. Escaflowna was stone once again. "Dose she do that often?" Van asked Gemini.
Renfield: "Welll, since this was her first time awake in over a year. . . no, she doesn't do it often." RackhamRose: "Only when I've got a hot date, usually." Renfield: "Just between us--not often enough."
"Yeah. She knows when I'm tired from a fight." Van gave Gemini a clueless look. Gemini sighed, "She shares my energy when she's alive. I used up some of my energy in the fight, so she went to sleep so I can stay awake for a couple more hours.
Renfield: "It's just like having a toddler, except with less pointless screaming." RackhamRose: "She really sucks up my battery power unless I stay plugged in. Speaking of which, can you pass me the extension cord so I can have some breakfast?" Renfield: i gotta wonder how such a lifeform could possibly exist. Renfield: i wonder that about a lot of fanfic writers, tho. RackhamRose: so, what, one of them can be functional at the expense of the other's life force? RackhamRose: sounds like most relationship horror stories Renfield: no, the irritating dragon can be functional at the expense of the twinked-out "phyic" Renfield: "That's why I try to reserve her for the express purpose of exposition."
You understand now?" Van nodded. The rest of the day went without incident.
Renfield: . . . or paragraph breaks. RackhamRose: Linoleum curled, crack deals were made, maidenheads were bargained over, nuclear warheads were dismantled... Renfield: oh, and grass grew RackhamRose: and paint dried! RackhamRose: and Dragonball Z aired
"Van tomorrow we will be going to the city. I need to pick up some stuff. Plus, you can learn more about life here on the mystic moon. Good night."
Renfield: "I need to pick up some stuff. You will be carrying it for me." RackhamRose: "I need to pick up some stuff. You'll be paying for it." Renfield: "Plus, you can learn more about life here on the mystic moon, when I ditch you in a
crowd and you get arrested for loitering and vagrancy." RackhamRose: "You will be sleeping in the doghouse. With the dogs."
Van noded, "Good night, Gemini. I look forward to seeing around your world." They both went to bed thinking about each other, and how tomorrow would go.
RackhamRose: Understandably, Van could not sleep a wink for sheer terror. Renfield: "seeing around your world"? was he looking for some sort of lensing effect? RackhamRose: (well, it's a small world, after all...) Renfield: >XD Renfield: . . . i'm just seeing Van desperately hoping there are normal, attractive females his own age out there RackhamRose: "normal" being the more important of those two terms Renfield: oh God yes Renfield: at least the chapter's done with Renfield: and the next one is the last! :D RackhamRose: woohoo! :D